Tuesday, June 12, 2012

It's A Married Thing

It's been a while since I posted.  My job is keeping me very busy right now.  Last minute orders, following up on proposals, checking on orders already place, and drinking until I fall asleep.  (Usually, I don't even get the first drink down before I fall asleep, though.  It's a nice way to say that I'm not an alcoholic.  How can you be an alcoholic if you don't even get to finish the first drink?  Such is my life.)

So, The Spouse and I celebrated 16 years of wedded bliss.  We met, dated for a year, married and have been pluggin' right along.  Unfortunately, 16 years is actually something to celebrate.  It seems that the average marriage lasts a bit longer than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphreys but not by much.  My niece married a very nice young man back in October.  He recently came back home when my niece's grandmother died.  We were both pallbearers.  And, as we were in the pall bearer van going to the cemetary, some of the other guys were talking about their marriages.  I looked at my new nephew and said, "Look, it's not really that complicated.  You just need to understand a few simple things:
1. You can be right or you can be married.  It's not often that you can be both.
2. If it's not immoral, unethical, illegal, life-threatening or likely to cause you to meet financial ruin, don't argue about it.  Just nod your head and move on.
3. Never answer a question that begins, "How do you think (this makes me look, I look, etc.)..."  Refuse to answer.  Reach your finger down your throat and go vomit in the bathroom.  Pretending to be sick will get you out of a lot of stuff.  Use it judiciously, though.  You don't want to ruin a good thing.
4. Watch Duck Dynasty and listen very closely to everything Phil says.  Follow his advice.
5. It's okay to argue and even fight.  Just be sure to apologize, solve the problem and go to bed together that night holding hands. 
6.  Never, never, never lie to your spouse.  I helped raise her.  She's extremely intelligent and will see through a line of B.S. faster than Superman could leap a tall building.  Tell her the truth or avoid the topic.  (Saying things like, "Honey, let's have a baby" will throw her for a loop and will redirect the entire uncomfortable conversation.  Timing is everything, though.  You have to know when to use things like that.  If you are stupid about it, you'll end up having a kid earlier than anticipated.)"

I've lived by most of those rules for 16 years.  They've served me well. 

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