Today is a GLORIOUS day! See those two. Look at them. Sweet, angelic, happy, adorable children. Look at the smiles, look at the joy, look at the happiness. Take a long look and remember it.
These are the same two children who moaned and groaned in unison as their Mother presented the infamous "Chore Chart".
These are the same two heathen who asked the following questions during the past week:
1. Can we go to McDonald's for lunch? (48 times in 7 days, I swear!)
2. Can we have doughnuts (donuts?) for breakfast? (72 times in 7 days, honest!)
3. Can we go to the pool? (33 times in 7 days!)
4. Can we go to the water park? (21 times in 7 days!)
5. Can we go to Toys R Us and get something? (100 times, minimally, in 7 days!)
6. Can we go buy a new video game? (15 times, in 7 days!)
7. What are we going to do today? (52 times, in 7 days!)
8. When can we go eat sushi? (The Girl Child, at least 18 times, in 7 days!)
9. Can we go to the park and play in the creek? (At least 8 times, in 7 days!)
10. When will Mom be home? (At least 14 times in two days!)
11. Do you want to play "Cooking Mamma" with me on the Wii? (At least 4 times, in one day!)
12. Can we go to the zoo? (At least 3 times, in the last 7 days!)
This is just a small sampling of what I've endured in the past 7 days. You see, I work from home a LOT and the Spouse works at a local elementary school as the Pre-K Speech Language Pathologist (aka-The Speech Teacher). So, when her school started before my kids' parochial school, I was the stay-at-home Dad. Only, I wasn't really a stay-at-home Dad. I was a work-from-home/stay-at-home Dad. My company has this funny, and I think unrealistic, expectation that I'll actually put in my allotted time while working at home. I'm sure they'd understand if I simply emailed and told them that I'd be taking the next seven days to run my children to get donuts, eat sushi, go to McDonald's, to the zoo, park, waterpark, pool, the toy store, the video game store, etc.
If I explained once, I explained 1,000 times..."Daddy is working. I have to work to pay for all the donuts, McDonald's, sushi, zoo trips, video games, waterpark and pool admissions, and assorted crapola you want to order off Amazon." Each time, my voice raised a little more and became a little more stressed. I swear I never yelled but inside I was dying! I've decided that this was my idea of Hell. I believe in Hell because I've been there, for 7 days!
Yesterday, those smiling faced little heathens went back to school! For a half day. 11:30a.m. elevenfreakingthirtya.m. and they would be mine again...
As I walked them in, I met the priest and principal standing side-by-side at the door to the school and said, "When I leave here I'm going into the church to give thanks that I didn't kill the children over the past two days." I may have giggled maniacally as I walked on into the school. The Spouse moved a few feet to the left of me at about that time. I think the priest crossed himself.
As I left the building, I stopped and offered to bring the principal a pre-lunch cocktail when I picked the heathen back up at 11:30a.m. She declined but I could tell she really wanted to accept it. She's a nice lady and has to keep up appearances but I was a principal once and I know the secrets. Few are the principals who don't self-medicate or have prescription medication. I had both. Don't judge if you haven't been there.
I spent a glorious morning at the local Starbucks, using free wi-fi, looking at adults come and go and working. I think I accomplished more from 8:00a.m. to 11:00a.m. yesterday than I have in the past 7 days combined.
Today, the Heathen are in school for a full day! I'm home. It's quiet. I have Free Bird playing on my iPad, I'm working from the breakfast table looking out at the deck and backyard, with two cats curled up side-by-side on the table. Solitude. Bliss.
So, to celebrate, I'm going to go get some donuts, have McDonald's for lunch, eat sushi for a mid-day snack, frolick in the park and creek, visit the pool, go to the video store and buy myself a game, play "Cooking Mamma" on the Wii, hit Toys R Us, and probably run up to the zoo.