So, I went to the local mall on Thursday afternoon. Have you ever been to the mall in the afternoon three days before Christmas? It's kinda crazy out there.
I was wandering around attempting to buy a few things for my sweet patootie. She had given me a list of things she wanted but I had passed it on to my mother. So, in the middle of the mall, I found a place to sit and I called her to ask her what she HAD NOT bought off the list. I wish you could have been there...
Me: Hi, Mom. I'm at the mall and I'm trying to finish up my shopping for The Spouse. Do you still have that list I gave you?
Mom: Yes. I'm in my car. Let me call you back when I get stopped.
While I'm waiting for her to call back, I'm people watching in the mall. There were lots and lots of interesting folks out that afternoon. At some point, I tuned in to the man behind me who was talking loudly on his cell phone. He kept referring to the person he was talking to as "Killer" and he was saying things like, "Yeah, I'm down with you." "Look, Killer, I know how you roll." Just as I was about to tune out, I heard...
My birthday is coming up in a few months. Yeah...I'll be 35! Well...my Mom is taking me to the casino in St. Louis.
When I get my license back, I'm going to the dojo and I'm getting in the kickboxing ring, dude! .............I lost my license for a year......... It's crazy, Killer, I can't drive and I'm not doing anything. I need my license back so I can get to the dojo.
('Cause I'm louder than a bomb...) That's the ring tone I assigned to my Mom.
Me: Hi, Mom.
Mom: Hi. I have the list.
Me: Okay, so what did you not get her on the list? And...she begins reciting all of the things she DID get The Spouse from the list. Mom, wait. And, she continued to recite what she did get TS. Mom...hold on. I just need to know what you DIDN'T get her. And...the recitation continues. Okay, Mom, listen to me... I need to know WHAT YOU DIDN'T GET HER OFF THE LIST!
Mom: Oh....well, why didn't you say so?!
Me: Nevermind, I've got to take this dude behind me to the dojo and get in the kickboxing ring.