Tis the Season...or, Whatever

Okay...so, I'm not necessarily a procrastinator when it comes to buying Christmas presents, but this year I had to wait until the last minute to get out and get my gifts.

If you are a regular reader, you know that The Spouse completely and totally controls most aspects of my life. (Most, in this instance, means ALL!)

So, she gave me my allowance late because she wanted to make sure we had the money before I was allowed to go out and buy. You see, she tends to think of me as a "spender". That's completely insane, of course. Just because I like to "purchase" things before checking to see if we can pay cash for it or not does not make me a "spender". Especially, if I can just put it on the credit card!

You should hear our conversations about money...

Spouse: Here's your money for Christmas gifts.

Me: Really? That's it?

Spouse: Yep, that's it. Make due with it.

Me: That's not much and I really wanted to buy you something super nice this year.

Spouse: I have what I need and I don't want you putting anything on the credit card!

Me: Christmas is all about giving and I'd like to give you something really nice this year. You know, like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3! I know you've been wanting it and it's around $60. This won't cover it. If I could use the credit card, you could totally have that game and some other things.

Spouse: Ummm...I don't want Call of Duty, I don't play video games and you are full of crap.

Me: That's pretty harsh. Are you sure you don't want Call of Duty? I mean it's pretty awesome and we could totally bond over killing people and saving the world from communism. What more could you want? We'd be like Mr. and Mrs. Smith...Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Remember that movie! You loved it and I think I remember you saying that you would totally like to be able to do cool stuff like that.

Spouse: You're ridiculous. I did watch that with you but the rest of that is crap you made up in your head to justify buying that video game.

Me: I'm not sure I remember it that way...

Spouse: I'm not surprised.

Me: So, Call of Duty is out... what else is there for me to get you? You have everything you could need.

Spouse: I've given you a list.

Me: I gave it to my mother. She's better with gift buying than I am.

Spouse: I'll give you some more ideas: Janet Evanovich's new book, a gift certificate to Sephora, a gift card to Barnes and Noble, some gloves that will let me use my iPhone.

Me: BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING.... How could you want those things over Call of Duty?

Spouse: Leave the house. Go, now. You're driving me crazy.

Me: No wonder you're going crazy. All of those boring things would make you crazy. You need some excitement in your life. Call of Duty would give you that excitement!

Spouse: Leave now, or I'm calling your mother!

Me: It's a good thing Santa doesn't visit adults. He'd leave you high and dry, baby!

And, I left the house and headed to the mall. I still think she's making a big mistake, though.