Friday, August 17, 2012

Meet Two of the More Dysfunctional Members of My Family

So, this morning, I got up around 4:45a.m. because the cats decided it was time for one of us to get out of bed and to get their tuna.  Because The Spouse is better at just laying there and pretending that she's asleep than I am, I got my fat rear-end out of bed and headed to the tuna cabinet.

George Washington, Esq. 
(And, don't judge us on the bedding.  The Heathen sleep on 1,000,000 threadcount sheets made from virgin silkworms that have been hand fed organic silkwork food while we sleep on straw.)

Lilo Q. Kittycat, Weirdo. 
(This one tries to pull off the sweet and innocent look, but she's really bizarre.)
These two little cats wreak more havoc in our home than both heathens and all of their friends combined. 

It all begins around 4:00a.m. each and every morning.  One or both of these two cute-faced demons begins to prowl around on the bed.  It's all subtle at first.  A simple paw on your leg or arm. Soft purring and a puff of kittycat breath in your face. 

If that fails to get the desired response, they resort to Level 2 Catastrophic Mayhem.  They move to the dresser and begin knocking things over and off.  They go to the night stand and pretend to sharpen non-existent claws.  There's meowing and really, really loud purring. 

When it becomes apparent to them that this will not get the desired result, they move to Level 3 Total Assault and Conquer mode.  This involves one or both of them springboarding off of the dresser and onto the bed.  If I or The Spouse just happen to be in the path of the designated landing area, all the better for them.

So, I slog out of bed and get them a tablespoon of tuna.  You would think they would be grateful.  They aren't.  As a matter of fact, there's a bit of snootiness in their attitudes when I tell them that's all they are getting.

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