Sunday, September 18, 2011

Things That Disgruntle Me!

I'm a bit disgruntled this morning. So I'm writing this and maybe I'll become gruntled afterward. I'm not sure gruntled is a word but it should be. If you can be disgruntled surely you can be gruntled. Right?! Of course!

On to the things about which I'm disgruntled:

1. I don't have enough money to buy all the things I want/need. For instance, I need a big black Mercedes. I really do. Think of how cool I would look! I think people would be less likely to notice that I'm overweight a bit. They'd all be saying stuff like, Who is that cool guy? He's freaking HOT!

2. Watching people come to Starbucks and order non-fat mochas and then fill them with six packets of sugar. Really?! Who are you fooling?

3. I'm fat. That makes me disgruntled. I need to lose some weight. I was totally on that path until I broke my arm! I was getting ready to start this incredible body building routine. I was going to sculpt myself into the next Adonis. Really! It's all under there just waiting to come out. Then, Satan reached up and snatched that dream right out from under me! I'm totally kicking his butt if I ever see him!

4. Wearing this arm brace while my arm heals makes me disgruntled. I have to put on this little gauzy sleeve and then the splint/brace thing comes on. The sleeve makes my arm itch and the brace totally limits my range of motion. Think of all the things I can't do: bodybuilding, row a boat, climb a mountain, box, karate or any badass form of martial arts, turn my hand over all the way, pick my nose with this hand... It's really limiting my ability to excel!

5. Realizing that both of my kids are probably smarter than me. Do I need to explain this one?

So, if any of you would like to send me money so I can buy that Mercedes, please send me a message. That would totally make me gruntled!

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